One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975)

I apologize to all of you for not writing a review in a while. It doesn't mean I haven't been watching movies. In fact, as I write this review I have four more to write. It's just like how I do my homework: I let it pile up until it's too much to handle. Oh well on to the review!

As you have all learned from my Apocalypse Now review, I have a problem with staying on task in classes that I think are ridiculous. As well as never reading The Heart of Darkness, I never finished One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest. I put off reading it until the last day of class, and needed to B.S. a report. The natural choice was to just rent the movie. So I stayed up all night watching the movie, wrote the report at about 6 A.M. and then went to class. For the record I got full credit on the report, and got an A out of the class. God Bless procrastination. I watched this movie again for this review, and it hit home a little bit more because now I've actually been to an insane asylum. I spent some time in the great country of Poland and we just figured we should go see the local crazies. It was a pretty horrible experience. Everyone was in their pajamas, and the hallway smelled like urine. Of course now that I think about it every hallway in Poland smelled like urine. I grew up thinking that insane asylums were a lot of fun and where everyone danced in straight jackets. At least that's the way that Good Burger made it seem.

It goes without saying that my preconceptions about loony bins were challenged on that fateful winter day. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is a little bit closer to my actual experience. I'm just happy I wasn't watching it in "Smell-O-Vision".

One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest is about inmate Randle Patrick McMurphy, played by a young Jack Nicholson, who gets sent to a mental institution for evaluation. While there he inspires all the fellow patients to rebel against the authority of the head nurse Mildred Ratched. Mildred is the embodiment of authority, and McMurphy has a problem with authority. You do the math.

Before I tell you what I thought about this movie, why don't you hear what a professional critic had to say about it:


In all seriousness, this movie was pretty good. Unlike the book, which is from the perspective of the mute Native American patient named Chief, this movie takes a real third person outlook. While this means there are no hallucinations, it does afford a real "big picture" view of the situation. The funnest part about this movie was seeing all the big actors in one of their first movies. This movie had Jack Nicholson, Danny DeVito, Christopher Lloyd, and William Redfield (He later went on to star in the award winning movie Child's Play as the voice of Chucky...brilliant performance). This was certainly a 70's movie, and maybe a little slow paced at times, but it was a was a good story with some fun characters.

The bottom line:
Rating: 3.9
Would I own it? I'm glad I saw it, but I probably wouldn't own it.
Would I recommend it? What are you crazy? I totally would.

High Noon (1952)

A lot of people dreamed of being a cowboy at one time or another. Most of my friends say that Back to the Future III is their favorite, and I think it is a product of this desire. I've never really wanted to be a cowboy, and this is made evident in the fact that my favorite Back to the Future is part 2. The Wild West is hot, dirty, and nobody had teeth. The future is air-conditioned, clean, and safe.



For those of you that do dream of cowboys (and of their butts squeezed into Wranglers) High Noon has everything you could want: guns, booze, outlaws, and the modern L.A. skyline accidentally shown in the background.

High Noon is about Will Kane, a small town Marshall, who is retiring after marrying his Quaker wife. As he is turning in his star the town receives word that an outlaw arrested by Kane is returning and is bent on revenge. Things are guaranteed to get out of hand, but Kane must face this outlaw, and his gang, alone because the townsfolk are a bunch of cowards.

The title High Noon sounds like it belongs to an epic cowboy shootout movie, but that is not the case. There was very little shooting at all. I'm not going to say that the movie was boring, but it certainly wasn't nail-biting. If you ignore the fact that an hour of this movie is a lot of talking while Will Kane is searching for special deputies, and then the last half hour is actual fighting, then you could call the movie exciting. On top of that, if you ignore the fact that the fight scenes look like something straight out of the Batman T.V. show

then the movie gets to be pretty dang awesome. All in all it's a semi-decent cowboy movie, but not my style. I'd rather see flying cars.

The bottom line:
Rating: 3.5
Would I own it? Not before I own 3:10 to Yuma (the remake with Christian Bale)
Would I recommend it? Only to folks wearing spurs.

Godfather II (1974)

If there's one thing that everyone can agree on it's that sequels suck. Ask anyone what they think of sequels and they'll say, "I hate sequels, they're never as good as the original...except for Back to the Future...those sequels are great." If you don't believe me, here's a list of terrible sequels. Go find out for yourself:

1) Return of Jafar
2) Home Alone 3 (part 2 was ok)
3) Tremors 2
4) Tremors 3
5) Little Mermaid II: Return to the Sea
6) Air Buddies
7) Alien vs. Predator
8) Pokemon 2 (That's not fair because the first one sucked too)

While most sequels do in fact suck, there are a handful of sequels that are great, or at least tolerable. While The Godfather II wasn't amazing, and it wasn't as good as the original, it fell in the tolerable category.

The Godfather II tries to be a lot more artistic than the first movie by following two plots at once. The first plot picks up where the first movie left off. It follows Michael Corleone as he deals with the emotional strain of being the head of the family, and how he deals with a recent attempt on his life. The second plot follows the beginnings of Michael's father Don Corleone, and shows his trip from poverty in Sicily to his life of organized crime in New York.

Al Pacino returns to his role as Michael Corleone and that role set the pace for the rest of his career. Correct me if I'm wrong but it seems that Al Pacino only plays gangsters. I think it's time for another list. He plays (I may have missed a few):

1) Michael Corleone in The Godfather
2) Lefty Ruggiero in Donnie Brasco
3) John Milton in The Devil's Advocate (Technically he was Satan who is the ultimate gangster)
4) Tony Montana in Scarface
5) Willy Bank in Ocean's Thirteen (Everyone knows casino owners are all gangsters)
6) Starkman in Gigli
7) Carlito Brigante in Carlito's Way
8) Big Boy in Dick Tracy



Type casting at its finest!

Robert De Niro plays Don Vito (who later becomes Don Corleone) and does a great job picking up the character where Marlon Brando left off. To be honest De Niro's performance was the only one in the movie of consequence. The whole film just seemed tired and dragged out. Even the music that I loved so much from the first movie was dry and boring. This movie, although full of iconic scenes, really left a lot to be desired. I suppose you can't expect much from a sequel though.

The bottom line:
Rating: 3.0
Would I own it? Forget about it
Would I recommend it? Probably not

All About Eve (1950)

I like going to the theater as much as the next person. The only problem with going to the theater is that you might be forced to watch a terrible display of acting. One time I went to see a performance of "Into the Woods" and the kid playing the baker was constantly hunched over. It was similar to the way that David Caruso always leans his head when he says his "scene buttoners" on CSI: Miami.



The plus side to the theater, however, is that you might see a really great performance. I once went to see "The Drowsy Chaperone" (It's just a coincidence that both of my examples are musicals...I don't like musicals if that's what you're thinking.) and the guy playing the groom sang his big solo number while blindfolded and roller skating across the stage. I was amazed. Why am I talking in great length about the theater? Well All About Eve is about an aging broadway diva and her number one fan.

Bette Davis plays Margo Channing who is considered one of the greatest stage performers of all time. When she meets Eve (played by Anne Baxter), a humble starstruck fan who has lived a difficult life, she gives Eve a job as her assistant. Eve is everything that Margo could have dreamed of until it turns out that Eve is not who she claims to be. Her only goal is to become a big star for herself, and it doesn't matter who she has to step on to get there.

As I said earlier, I like the theater. I, however, think it's a load of crap when someone puts theater on a pedestal above movies simply because it's theater. I have seen amazing performances in movies, and isn't that what's important? All throughout this movie everyone talked about the inferiority of movies, and the ultimate senority of the theater. It goes without saying that they also dogged on television. Interestingly enough, most of Anne Baxter's career was in television. Didn't think about that one did you A-holes?

The thing that I found most interesting about this movie is that Bette Davis actually has Bette Davis Eyes:



All in all this movie was ok. A little boring at times, and like most old movie a little over the top, but nothing I would call terrible. Chalk this one up to another so-so movie that has found it's way onto the list of the greatest movies of all time. Bette Davis did a great job playing a diva, which makes me wonder if she really was one. Anne Baxter did a good job as well. Come to think of it everyone gave a satisfactory performance, but the plot was lacking something. I found it hard to care about the movie when so much time was spent on talking about great acting without a stunning performance from the actors themselves. This movie wasn't terrible, but it wasn't great.

The bottom line:
Rating: 3.3
Would I own it? I don't plan on it.
Would I recommend it? Sure, why not?

The Maltese Falcon (1941)

I'll be the first to admit that there are a lot of movies I haven't even heard of. The Maltese Falcon is a perfect example of this. Judging from the title alone it sounds like it could either be a horror film, or a nature documentary. Come to find out it's neither. The Maltese Falcon is actually a standard private eye movie starring Humphrey Bogart. I know what you're thinking, "A private eye movie with the great Humphrey Bogart? That sounds amazing!" News Flash: It's not. The synopsis of the movie, according to Netflix.com, is as follows:

Humphrey Bogart stars as private eye Sam Spade in this Oscar-nominated noir classic that finds the sultry Miss Wonderly (Mary Astor) seeking out protection from a man named Thursby. Spade's partner (Jerome Cowan) takes the case -- but he winds up dead, along with Thursby. Spade's subsequent hunt for the killer leads him into a world of deception and double-crossing, as a trio of criminals searches for a priceless statue known as the Maltese Falcon.

Now you're probably thinking, "That movie sounds even cooler than I originally thought." Well you're wrong again. To show you how much I hated this movie, here's just a small list of movies I think should be on AFI's list instead of The Maltese Falcon:

Ernest Goes to Camp
All of The Land Before Time movies (except for part 11)
Blank Check
Alien vs. Predator
Barbie's Swan Lake
Muppets Take Manhattan
Muppets Take Acid (Hasn't been made yet...I'm still trying to sell the script)
The Sandlot
The Princess Bride
Ernest Scared Stupid
Any Veggie Tales movie

The reason I hated this movie so badly was all the character interactions. The characters would be mad at each other, suddenly be partners, and then inexplicably they would break out in song (that last part isn't true but it illustrates just how stupidly these characters were portrayed). In all fairness I probably wouldn't have hated this boring film so much if I wasn't so bitter about all the old, dumb movies I've had to watch lately. You decide for yourself if my hatred for this movie is a by product of all the old movies I've had to watch, or if it's just a dumb movie. In the mean time here's a decent Private Eye show:



The bottom line:
Rating: 2.3
Would I own it? Never
Would I recommend it? Not even to my worst enemies...at least I didn't hate it as badly as 2001 Space Odyssey.