On the Waterfront (1954)

I've worked a lot of crappy jobs. Nothing I'd call a career. If I were the sentimental type I would have an extensive collection of nametags and hairnets. Here's a list of all the dead-end jobs I've worked:
1) Burger flipper at Arctic Circle
2) Garbage man
3) Fish fryer at The Gangplank
4) Rodeo Clown
5) Cereal Killer
6) Truck Driver
7) Spider Assassin
8) Bowling Alley Employee
9) House Cat
10) Bus Driver

What does this have to do with anything? Well I wouldn't bring it up if it didn't have a connection to the subject at hand. The newest movie that I have viewed is about a crappy job, and it's called On the Waterfront.

On the Waterfront is about a corrupt union boss that has a choke-hold on the shipping industry. If anyone crosses him they end up sleeping with the fishes. Marlon Brando plays an ex-boxer who finds himself caught between the woman he loves and the man that could have him killed with nothing more than a word to his thugs.

This moral dilemma makes a movie that isn't boring, but isn't exciting. It has Marlon Brandon, who I have a man crush on, but it lacks key elements that make a great film namely:
1) A dance off between rival gangs (or any kind of dancing for that matter)


2) Two people falling in love and then one of them dying
3) Saturday Detention
4) A mannequin that comes alive
5) Ninjas that are able to dodge bullets and then suddenly not able to dodge bullets
6) Sinking ice chunks that destroy Cobra's underwater base

I didn't hate this movie, but I wasn't impressed. I'm pretty much luke warm about the whole film. If it helps you get a handle on whether or not this movie is something you would want to see consider this: due to lack of interest I watched this movie in 20 minute segments over the course of several days until I was finally able to finish it.

The bottom line:
Rating: 3.1
Would I own it? Really I can't make an opinion about this movie.
Would I recommend it? Dude I don't know...maybe.

The General (1927)

I love to race. My favorite is racing people to the buffet line. I am also partial to drag racing on main street, which usually involves flipping off cowboys and then speeding away from their Ford F-150's. One form of racing that I don't partake in is racing trains to an intersection. A public service announcement once told me that being hit by a train is like running over a can of soda. The car is the train, the can is my car, and I am the soda. That whole scenario is a little confusing but it kept me away from trains because if I'm soda, then I can't drink soda without being considered a cannibal. That's not a life I want to live. The General however showed me the fun and wild side of trains. Based on what I saw I have deduced that trains are not dangerous at all and so I'm reconsidering my reservations about train racing.

This is a Buster Keaton movie, and I know what you're thinking, "Who is Buster Keaton?" He is a comedic actor most known for his silent movie roles. He's a lot like Charlie Chaplin, but with a little bit different sense of humor. A modern day comparison would be Charlie Chaplin is like Jim Carey because he pulls funny faces, and has a very physical humor. Buster Keaton is like Ben Stiller because although his humor is also very physical, most of the humor comes from funny situations that just never go right. Johnny Depp based his character Sam from the movie Benny & Joon on Buster Keaton.



The General is about a southern train conductor that sets out to win the civil war for the south. SPOILER ALERT! He fails because the one thing I actually learned from History class is that the south lost the war. Johnie (played by Keaton) has two loves in his life; His train and his girlfriend. When his train is stolen, with his girlfriend on board, he sets out to get it back. It is then that he learns that the train was stolen by Yankee spies that plan on using the train to ambush the south. Despite his accident prone nature Johnie will stop at nothing to stop that ambush from happening.

Although this movie wasn't as funny as City Lights with Charlie Chaplin it was very entertaining. I really enjoyed the music from this movie. It was heavy on the accordion which doesn't sound appealing, but it gave a fun feel to the movie. I was also impressed by all the stunts they did on the trains. All in all a fun movie.

The bottom line:
Rating: 4.2
Would I own it? I don't see it happening at least in the near future.
Would I recommend it? I could see myself doing so.

2001 Space Odyssey (1968)

Have you ever been so confused by something that you wanted to cry? If you have ever tried to understand soap operas then the answer to that question is yes. Now let me ask you this, have you ever been so bored that you fell asleep? If you have ever sat through a lecture about the history of paper clips then the answer to that question is yes. Where am I going with this? Sitting through 2001: A Space Odyssey was like sitting through a really long, really boring, soap opera about paper clips. I will admit, however, it was better seeing it for the second time.

The first time I watched this movie when I was a freshman in high school. My astronomy teacher, who only had 9 toes, somehow reasoned that this movie was somehow related enough to astronomy that we could spend three days watching it in class. He was in the same club of teachers (football coaches) that thought that Cheech and Chong movies were related to U.S. History.

The plot of 2001: A Space Odyssey, like many Stanley Kubrick films, is a little pointless. Can I just go on record and say that there is no reason that Stanley Kubrick should be famous. All of his movies are confusing, long, and very slow paced. His biggest problem is a never ending supply of scenes that have no sway on the film at all. I think that Mr. Kubrick has never heard of deleting scenes from a movie if they hinder pacing in the film. Having said that let's get down to brass tacks. The bulk of the plot follows a space crew on their way to Jupiter to investigate mysterious monoliths appearing all over the solar system. Hal, the intelligent computer that runs everything on the ship, is the only "crew member" that knows this and turns homicidal to keep it a secret.

I know the plot sounds awesome but Stanley ruins it. This movie is full of pointless scenes, including a whole half hour of monkeys fighting and ten minutes of psychedelic space travel. Not only that, the monoliths are never explained. Maybe that's why critics like it so much. There is an unexplained aspect about the movie that let's them speculate. Unexplained things in movies is like catnip for critics. Don't get me wrong, I love exploring the hidden message of movies, but there is a difference between hidden messages and omitting important information for the sake of being confusing. That's just poor movie making. The only saving grace about this movie is the music and the special effects, but that's not enough to make this movie watchable.

The bottom line:
Rating: 2.2
Would I own it? Not in a million light years (Yes I know light years is a unit of distance not time. It just sounds good.)
Would I recommend it? Only if a scientist was looking for new things to invent (such as carrot flavored juice boxes or "Grip Shoes")

If you have a lot of time to kill here is the really long space travel scene I talked about. The first minute is a good indication of what the whole clip is like so if you don't want to watch the whole thing, but do want to know what I'm talking about when I say that scenes are pointless then watch a little bit of it.

Psycho (1960)

Truth time: Doing AFI's list is a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. I have not watched a movie for a while, so to all my readers I apologize. I know you all wait anxiously for every work of art that I dish out. Well the wait is over!



In my lifetime I have seen a lot of crazy people. Sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by nut-jobs. I guess I should expect it being a bus driver and all. Of all the whackos that I have seen, met, and/or feared the craziest one of all would have to be Lindsay Lohan. That chick is nuts. That, however, has nothing to do with the most recent movie on the list of classics that I have decided to view, Alfred Hitchcock's Psycho.

I know a lot of people have already seen this movie, but I don't want to ruin the end in case you haven't seen it. I had a friend in my younger years that had a habit of spoiling the surprises in movies for me. Psycho was no exception. I don't want to subject those of you that haven't seen it to that, so I will be brief in my movie synopsis.

Psycho takes place in sunny (and miserably hot) Phoenix, Arizona. Marion, a working gal, has a moment of greed and steals $40,000. During her great escape she stops to stay the night in the Bates Motel. Norman Bates is a twitchy, isolated young man who runs the failing motel and cares for his invalid mother all by himself. The situation feels strange but not enough to keep Marion out of the shower. Little does she know that things are going to take a violent turn for the worst. It goes something like this:



I've seen Psycho several times (both the original and the remake), and the more I watch it the more I enjoy it. What I love most about it is that it is a cross-section of all the fears people had in the 60's:
Crazy People
Old People
Hotel Rooms
Police Officers
Showers (the being watched aspect not the getting clean part)
Driving in the rain
Used Car Salesmen
Taxidermy
As I think about it I guess people today still have those same fears. At least I do. Despite having all those fears I wouldn't have used the words "scary" and "Psycho" in the same sentence a few years ago. I recently saw this movie on the silver screen, however, and it really did scare me. Moral of the story is if you want to be scared watch it on the big screen.

The bottom line:
Rating: 4.6
Would I own it? I already own the remake, and plan on owning the original
Would I recommend it? I already have.

Star Wars: A New Hope (1977)

When you hear the word "nerd" what is the first thing you think of? Pocket protectors? Glasses with tape on the nose piece? Acne? Or could it be an obsession with Star Wars? That's the first thing I think of...that and really bad B.O. Well I guess it's a good thing that so many nerds have made Star Wars a religion because thanks to them Star Wars will go down in history as one of the greatest movies of all time.

Star Wars: A New Hope, contrary to popular belief, is not the first movie in a series. True it was made first, but Mr. Lucas knew that it was actually number 4 in the list. He always planned to make 3 prequels, I just don't think he planned on the first couple of those prequels being so bad. A New Hope is about the Rebel Alliance and their last chance to overthrow the Evil Empire before they unleash their planet destroying weapon the Death Star. With laser blasters, spaceships, and a magic force (called the Force) the Rebellion has a one in a million chance to succeed, and that's what makes the movie so exciting.

Granted the special effects are a little outdated, and it is a 70's movie, but it is a work of cinematic art. The problem (and sometimes the best part) about being iconic is all the spoofs. An example of this is Robot Chicken, a delightful little stop motion program on Cartoon Network.



The bottom line:
Rating: 4.5
Would I own it? I wouldn't dream of robbing my children the chance to see this movie.
Would I recommend it? Yes, and not just to nerds who for some reason haven't already seen it.

City Lights (1931)

Prepare yourself for an extra special glimpse into my life. The camaraderie that I share with one of my roommates (whose name is Riley), and the concentrated hate I have for my other roommate (whose name is also Riley), is what inspired me to do AFI's list. I decided that by using the TV until all hours of the night watching these movies not only gives my sidekick and I something to do on a Tuesday night, but it also gives me the opportunity to not let my crappy roommate watch his crappy shows, thereby making his life a living hell. When City Lights came up next on the list Good Riley (who is the exact opposite of Bizzaro Riley) and I mistook it for a football movie. "City Lights, that's the football movie with Billy Bob Thorton isn't it?" I asked. "Do you love Billy Bob Thorton as much as I do?" he responded. "I sure do. Something about his big, bald head and his being completely white trash makes me want to watch him all the time." "Me too. You know who else is in this movie? Tim McGraw! Can I get a hells-yeah?" None of this conversation actually happened but we did mistake it for that movie (it's called Friday Night Lights in case you were curious). No City Lights is not a football movie. It is actually Charlie Chaplin's last silent film.

Charlie Chaplin plays a tramp who falls in love with a blind flower girl. Do to certain events, she thinks he is rich. They both get word of a surgery that will restore her sight, and he sets out to pay for the surgery despite the risk that she will find out he's not rich. Along the way he becomes a drinking buddy with a millionaire who doesn't remember him when he is sober, which brings a lot of laughs.

City Lights is filled with funny bodily harm, laugh out loud parties, and even a ridiculous boxing match. I must say I was incredibly surprised by this movie. It was mildly humorous at the beginning, but by the end I couldn't stop laughing. I had no idea a silent movie could be so entertaining.

The bottom line:
Rating: 4.5
Would I own it? I could see it happening, but not anytime soon.
Would I recommend it? Yes, but selectively. I wouldn't recommend it to someone I didn't think would appreciate it.